Overview
Brian Tracy explains three easy ways to improve your communication skills and become a better conversationalist
Brian Tracy explains three easy ways to improve your communication skills and become a better conversationalist
conversationalist - a person who is good at a conversation
pause- stop for a short time
classy- nice, sophisticate
simultaneously- at the same time
soak in- absorb, understand better
clarity- clearness
brilliant- great
clarification- making something clear
extensively- widely, in great detail
paraphrase- to repeat using your own words
fascinating- very interesting
self-esteem- confidence
your mind will wander- you will lose concentration
1 What are the three benefits of pausing?
i) You avoid interrupting the speaker
ii) You show the speaker that you are giving careful consideration to his/her words
iii) You hear the other person better
2 What examples does Brian give for questioning for clarification?
i) How do you mean?
ii) How do you mean, exactly?
3 What is the third communication tip that Brian gives?
Paraphrasing
4 When you practise effective listening, other people will begin to find you ____
fascinating
5 Your mind process words at 500-600 words per minute, but you can only talk at about ____
150 words per minute
answers
Do you feel that you are a good conversationalist?
Are you a good listener?
Does your mind wander when you are listening to someone?
What are some other ways to improve your communication skills?
1 Notice how we use the word 'key' to describe an important concept:
"Do you know the one key to becoming a great conversationalist?"
"The key is to pause before replying."
2 Notice how we can use the word 'never' to form a negative imperative sentence.
"Never assume that you understand what the other person is saying or trying to say."
"Never drive after drinking alcohol."
3 Notice how Brian structures his talk very carefully using 'signposting' language:
"The second benefit is that..."
"The third way to become a great conversationalist is..."
"Finally, listening builds self-esteem in the listener"
script
Do you know the one key to becoming a great conversationalist? The key is to pause before replying. A short pause of three to five seconds after a person stops talking is a very classy thing to do in a conversation. When you pause, you accomplish three goals simultaneously.
First you avoid running the risk of interrupting, if the other person is just catching his or her breath before continuing.
The second benefit is that you show the other person that you are giving careful consideration to his or her words by not jumping in with your own comments at the earliest opportunity.
The third benefit of pausing in conversation is that you will actually hear the other person better. His or her words will soak into a deeper level of your mind and you will understand what he or she is really saying with greater clarity. By pausing, you'll mark yourself as a brilliant conversationalist.
Another way to become a great conversationalist is to question for clarification. Never, assume that you understand what the other person is saying or trying to say. Instead if you have any doubt at all, ask how do you mean or how do you mean exactly and then just pause and wait.
This is the most powerful question I've ever learned for guiding and controlling a conversation. It's almost impossible not to answer this question when you ask how do you mean the other person cannot stop himself or herself from answering more extensively. You can then follow up with other open-ended questions and keep the conversation rolling along.
The third way to become a great conversationalist is for you to paraphrase the speaker's words in your own words. So after you have nodded and smiled, you can then say "Well, let me see if I got this right", or,
"Let me see if I understand you exactly. What you're saying is this..." and then you repeat it back in your own words by paraphrasing the speaker's words.
You demonstrate in no uncertain terms that you are genuinely paying attention and making every effort to understand his or her thoughts or feelings. And the wonderful thing is when you practice effective listening other people will begin to find you fascinating. They will want to be around you; they will feel relaxed and happy in your presence, because when you listen to other people, you make them feel important.
The reason why listening is such a powerful tool in developing the art and skill of conversation is because listening builds trust. The more you listen to another person, the more he or she trusts you and believes in you.
Listening also builds self-esteem. When you listen attentively to another person, his or her self-esteem will naturally increase. He or she will feel better about themselves. He or she will feel more valuable and more respected.
Finally, listening builds self-esteem in the listener. Because your mind can process words at 500 to 600 words per minute and we can only talk at about 150 words for a minute, it takes real effort to keep your attention focused on another person's words.
If you do not practice self-discipline in conversation, your mind will wander in a hundred different directions. The more you work at paying close attention to what the other person is saying the more self-disciplined you will become. In other words, by learning to listen well, you actually develop your own character and your own personality.